In a restaurant, with a gentle breeze on my face, I raise a glass to quitting most of my critical jobs and projects. Its a whole different game from the days when it was just me and no one else to worry about. Decisions were simpler, life was lighter. Now, with the weight of the world seemingly on my shoulders, I'm caught in a whirlwind of thoughts about whether I want to get back into the endless chase for money. Despite being surrounded by people, the fear didn't quite fade away.
The need for money; The fear of being judged; The fear of breaking down the invisible barriers I have set up for myself to uncover other unnecessary clutters;
It all started in cab, felt like a scene straight out of a movie, where everything seemed as unstable as a Jenga tower. My cousin had warned me about this – it takes just one piece to fall, and suddenly it feels like everything I've built is on the verge of collapsing. Then there's my partner's story, stuck in the middle of nowhere with a broken-down bike, not a soul in sight to help, and not a dime for the bus. Felt very similar where I wasn't sure if there would be a soul to understand what I am going through. Like my friend pointed out, if you're feeling this weighed down by something, maybe it's a sign to let it go.
I let it go. I quit.
I have been here before, deciding on the spot to drop things that just don't feel right anymore. This time, though, I've made the effort to contemplate and communicate. Embracing open talk marks a change and seems like the right way forward.
Good things happen to those who walk
Taking a moment to reflect and assess my current position is crucial for gaining a clearer view of life. For instance, personally exercising regularly enhances my locus of control(ones own belief that they are in charge/control of their own situation), tricking my brain into believing I'm strong enough to withstand physical challenges and that my body is in good shape. However it's essential to recognise that some things are beyond my control.
While I am still figuring out when to push back, when to step back, and when to just keep things under control, I see this decision to quit as a promising start.